


Evaporate my lungs

by XTHoffmanLe



Category: Pitch Perfect
Genre: All of the Bellas are present at some point, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Smoking, Steca brotp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-03-09 15:00:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13483944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XTHoffmanLe/pseuds/XTHoffmanLe
Summary: Beca has been a stress smoker since her high school years however it's not as bad as it used to be but she's still struggling to kick the habit. She's been trying to hide it from all the other Bella's in the house and typically smokes late at night or when no ones home. Although she tries her best to keep it under wraps Chloe eventually finds out her little secret and tries to help Beca quit no matter how tough it gets. We all know that under that badass persona that Beca is a softy especially for her favorite red head.





	1. Bleeding from your lips

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic and it's not beta'd so any and all mistakes are my own and please be gentle on me I'm just a smol bean. Inspired by another fanfic called Two times Chloe caught Beca smoking by cartradio that you should totally read. Also I wrote this work while listening to Medicine by daughter if you wanna listen while reading.

       Beca sits up late burning that good old midnight oil for the latest Bella set that she has yet to make a break through with in the past couple of weeks. Even though she's been hard at it ever since she challenged the acapella board immediately after the incident. For some strange reason she's been finding it particularly difficult to concentrate and find some songs that'll complement one another as they ready up to go toe to toe with Das Sound Machine. It probably doesn't help that she's been hiding the fact she's currently working at that internship she has yet to tell anyone let alone Chloe. But she's pretty sure that at least Amy or Cynthia has some how found out cause those aca-bitches be hella nosy of course.

       "Damn it!" She curses under her haggarded breath as she thinks it's about time to take a break considering the fact that she's been hard at it with little to no progress since they got back from practice earlier that day.

_'I'm so glad that Fat Amy isn't here right now or else she's give me her butt confidence or some weird shit.'_ The petite brunette thinks to herself as she finally caves in to the strong urge she's been trying to ignore up until this point. She quickly looks over what little progress she made and double checks to save it all even though she hardly made any sort of progress in the past hour. As Beca puts her computer to sleep and takes off her precious beats headset that no one can ever touch (except for Chloe of course or they face the wrath of Beca effin' Mitchell) she blindly scours for her cigarettes.

_'Shit! Where did I put them? It's been a while since I've smoked.'_ She internally freaks out as she racks her overloaded and stressed brain. Then Beca suddenly remembers that she'd in fact stowed them away in her desk in the aptly named aca-junk drawer because ever since she became a Bella she's been trying to stop and only smoked when under extreme duress. As in right now because not only has it been a hot minute since the brunette been this stressed but Chloe has also been on her ass about the set list along with legacy. Beca hastily throws the pack onto the desk as she goes off in search of her favorite leather jacket and her special silver custom designed zippo lighter that she holds dear to her heart. It used to be her mother's then after she died the summer after 8th grade Beca had not only started her bad habit but kept on herself at all time. The Dj not too long after went to get the prized prosession engraved in secret with the years her mom lived wrapped up in musical notes and a pair of headphones on one side with a highly detailed rose on the other side (her mom's favorite flower).

       As the co-captain gets herself situated to go for a quick smoke or several she starts to get antsy to the point that she almost can't lace up her boots properly her normally nimble finger ceasing to function properly. She rakes her fingers through her hair in frustration at herself for not being able to do something as mundane and simple as tying one's shoes. Her stress becoming evident in the subtle thumping residing her temples as the beginnings of a headache slowly makes itself known. The petite Bella then falls back heavily into her bed as a deep thoroughly exhausted sigh is expelled from her rosy lips.

_'Dammit, sack up dude. It's only been a couple weeks... oh shit, it's been a little over a month since I've last smoked.'_ As this thought ran through her mind the Bella felt almost blindsided that she's gonna relapse now when this is the longest she's ever been clean. But she can't deny the fact that it's has been a hell of ride for the acapella group since Amy flashed everyone on Obama's birthday. She just can't seem to catch a break with these girls most particularly her Aussie roomate. With this in mind Beca contemplated whether or not it was worth breaking the clean streak she has going on right now. Then she went fuck it because she deserves this smoke break goddammit! The aspiring music producer then finally decended the stairs while taking extra care to tip toe past Chloe's room cause she does not want the bubbly super senior to find out or else she'll flip. With a high probability of going on a whole tangent as to why smoking is bad for your vocal cords and that she needs to take better care of her precious voice.

       When she walked out the front door to greet the brisk late night sky she let out a sigh of relief that no one was awake nor was woken up. The DJ felt she could finally ease up a bit and breathes in a lungful of the crisp night air that's gently nipping at her nose and cheeks with the occasional gust of wind that passes through. The Bella captain subconsciously begins to hum a nonsensical tune before transforming into Medicine by Daughter reflecting her slight melancholy as she fiddles with the lighter in her pocket.

    _'Hmm... Should I chill on the porch or go off to the side of the house?'_ As she ponders where to smoke Beca softly taps her foot to the song she softly sings, against the floorboards and enjoys the peaceful atmosphere that rarely occurs on campus. Deciding that she's content with the view the petite brunette settles on the porch stairs while she fishes out a cigarette and her lighter. The instant that the smoke hits her lungs she finally relaxes and all the stress she feels finally melts away making the tight muscles in her shoulders and back noticeable that makes a displeased groan escape.

_'Maybe I can ask Chloe for one of her amazing massages that melt away my knots.'_ Taking a long ever so pleasing drag from the "cancer stick" as her mom had once did said she starts to feel more at ease enough to make coherent thoughts and got all philosophical and wax poetic. No longer having her thoughts drowned out by all the demands of not only college but the Bellas, the internship, and whatever going on with her and Jesse. Beca typically tries to drown out the fact that she still mourns the death of her mother in private even though it's been so long ago it's still a gaping hole in her heart she feels everyday.

       "You can still be what you want to be..." The now broody and somber aspiring music producer softly sings wistfully as she watches the exhaled smoke swirl freely which triggers another pressing issue and stressor in her life at the moment.

       "I wonder how he'd feel if I told him that I'm actually lesbian and have been accidentally leading him on as my beard." The senior thinks aloud in a muted tone that even she can barely hear as smoke flows out of her mouth. Beca ends up staying out on the porch for an hour or so going through several cigarettes while staring up at the moon and reflecting on her past several years since the DJ begrudgingly went to the activity fair to please her dad. But what the Bella failed to notice was that Chloe had actually been watching her ever since she heard her co-captain pass by her bedroom.

       "Beca..? What are you doing out here?"

    _'Fuck.'_

~*~*~*~

       The bubbly red head was up studying late tonight because she couldn't sleep for the life her no matter what she did so decided to at least do something productive while still up. Then she heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps passing by her room more shocking was that she knew that it was Beca no one else walks like her favorite alt girl. That's when she became curious as to why Beca was not only still up and walking around the Bella house but was leaving by the sounds of it.

_'I thought Beca said she was gonna work on our set tonight I don't remember her saying she was heading out as well.'_ The Bella captain tried to think back on earlier today wracking her brain to know if Beca said anything about going out tonight then she thought better of it and realized that this isn't the first time the petite brunette walked out around this time. Throughout the aspiring DJ's time in the Bella house the super senior noticed that at least once every month/every other month her co-captain has left around this time then coming back about hour or two later.

  _'I'm gonna get to the bottom of this mystery.'_ Chloe cheerfully thought and nearly squealed because she sure does love a good mystery. The extroverted girl abandons studying in favor of finding warm of clothes and getting the answers as to why Beca leaves without telling anyone. When she approaches the front door of the house the redhead ensures that the door is opened carefully to deter from possibly notifying anyone else that both captains aren't in the house. As she turns around she's greeting by the backside of her best friend perched on the steps just when she's about to say anything Chloe notices the smell of cigarettes hanging in the air. Stopping her in her tracks as the Bella stands there puzzled as to why her best friend hadn't told Chloe that she smokes and that's the reason behind slipping at the house late at night. The super senior just stood there watching Beca smoke and humming taking drag after drag into her lungs then expelling it into the chill autumn air noticing how hot the other girl looked. Chloe admired the spectacle drinking in her beauty, catching glimpses of her co-captain's profile from time to time and listening to her pensive singing then she heard the broody younger girl mutter something.

      "I wonder how he'd feel if I told him I'm actually lesbian and have been accidentally leading him on as my beard."

        _'What?!?!? Oh my aca-G. I accidentally just overheard Beca come out (even though it's about time), shit what do I do now?'_ The redhead stood there absolutely gobsmacked at the confession to the point that she ends up out there with the coming out the closet younger girl for approximately an hour before making her presence known.

      "Beca..? What are you doing out here?" At the sound of Chloe's voice Beca startles and nearly gives herself whiplash from how fast she snaps her head back to look at the redhead in all of her pajama glory. Her best friend seemingly freezes knowing she's been caught but still tries to conjure up a believable lie as to why she's out on the porch steps at 3 o'clock in the morning. The super senior patiently waits for the DJ to answer the simple yet loaded question while the other girl struggles to come up with any feasible one.

~*~*~*~

      The Bella stares back at her crush and best friend with wide eyes trying to come up with some plausible lie or even a sarcastic witty comment but her brain malfunctions and can't think of anything to say. Beca starts opening and closing her mouth uselessly causing sputtering of sounds and almost words to escape while the beginnings of blushing spreads across her cheeks. Of course in the younger girl's state of panic drop she cigarette from her now slackened grasp which then not only falls in the poor blindsided girl's lap but also burns her.

      "Ah, Shit!"  The co-captain cries under her breath as the swats said cigarette off of her lap then goes to assess and attend to the inflamed area on her lower thigh near her knee and rub it to assuage the minor burn. That's when Chloe comes to plop right next to the admittedly extremely embarrassed and frazzled fellow Bella on the stairs. 

     "How come you never told me that you smoked?" Chloe softly questions in the tender voice she only uses for serious conversation when doesn't want to possibly stop her best friend from opening up. Beca can't deny her the answers she's looking for the instant that gentle tone reaches the DJ's ears. The second shoe drops when the bubbly Bella gently rest her hand on the petite brunette's knee and tenderly squeezes to encourage the younger girl to speak. With a deep sigh and a moment to compose herself smokey blue eyes meet sky blue ones before opening up. 

     "Umm.. Well I.. haven't really told anyone about it. It was never really important enough to ever mention." Beca hesitantly admits as she nervously figidits and rubs the back of her neck. Refusing to maintain eye contact with sky blue ones and instead stares strictly at her restless feet afraid of what the girl she loves will think of her bad habit. The college students sit in relative silence for what seems forever with only the sounds of the chilly night filling in for the lack of response. 

     "Do you mind telling me why you smoke..?" This question causes the anxiety in the already stressed dj to sky rocket. As she contemplates whether or not to tell her favorite redhead the truth or not she plays with the zippo lighter that's now heavy in her pocket. When the brunnette finally makes up her mind she takes a deep breath to steel herself so she can tell her best friend of 4 years the reason behind why she smokes and gazes into sky blue eyes. 

     "I usually smoke when I'm extremely stress to the point that I can't function like a normal person anymore and can hardly sleep at night since I get so high strung. I actually started smoking after my mom died when I was about 14 during the summer." She clears her throat as she feels the emotions bubbling up her throat and tears start building up in her eyes which the older Bella gives Beca's knee a gentle understanding squeeze. Aiding in giving the normally closed and wannabe badass alt girl courage to push through the heavy emotions that now plague her heart and mind.

     "She had been battling on again off again breast cancer for several years while I was growing up but every time it came back stronger than the last leaving her weaker and weaker. She been in the hospital for the betterment of that year as her health slowly declined while she fought a losing battle. The doctors said she might not make it this time with how many times she had recurrence after remission. But they still planted hope in my heart saying she still some chance of living a long life cancer free because they surgically removed all of the cancerous tissue before it could spread again. However they were too late because not too long after about two weeks after surgery my mom had died." By the time the Bella captain had stopped speaking she had tears running down her face as she silently sobbed with the memory of that faithful day. Beca tries to get herself together and stop crying because she can see how Chloe wants to somehow stop those tears. When she feels Chloe's arms envelope her tiny frame the DJ pulls out her mom's silver zippo lighter she's kept on her since the day her mom died. As the tears subside and turn into sniffles the brunette shows the super senior her most prized possession.

     "This was her's after my mom died this was the only thing I had left of her. She loved this silver zippo lighter it was her favorite she used it all the time but she wasn't smoker in fact she kind of hated it. She always called cigarettes cancer sticks which was quite ironic. My mom did however liked to light candles and incenses around the house hence why she got this lighter in the first place." The once somber Bella was now brandishing a lopsided smile as she relives all the memories of her mother going around the house lighting candles to have soft relaxing lighting and equally soothing smells waft through the house.

     "When did you get it engraved?" The redhead softly enquiries with her chin resting on the younger girls shoulder while admiring the beauty of the lighter that's so Beca. The question elicits a chuckle to escape from the brunette.

     "I had gotten it engraved secretly some time after my mom died as a kind of fuck to my dad since I was bitter about how he got married to my step mom, Shelia, not even a month after she died." 

     "I bet your mom was a wonderful woman." The redhead commented after several minutes of comfortable silence.

     "Yeah. She was." The two Bella captains sat in silence as they watched the night sky in relative peace while wrapped up in the comfort of each other. As they revel in the tranquility of the moment they realize that it's now quickly approaching dawn with the world around them beginnings to wake up and the Sun's rays warms the air Chloe speaks up. 

      "Hey. Do you wanna come to my room so we can finally go to sleep?" With a simple nod from the now tired Bella the pair tread up the stairs as they quietly make the short journey to the redhead's bedroom. Once inside the captains both crawl into Chloe's overly blue and bright colored queen sized bed once Beca slips into a pair of borrowed pajamas. As the two get comfortable they nuzzle into each other seeking out consolation after their emotionally taxing conversation earlier. The Bellas face each other on their sides with Beca curled into the older girl's bigger frame before drifting off to sleep. All that crying had ultimately exhausted the petite brunette but also all those sleepless nights had finally caught up to her. The extroverted super senior on the other hand had stayed up for a little while longer than her crush and co-captain did as she mulled over what happened.

~*~*~*~

        As the elder Bella lied awake thinking about what conspired out on that porch earlier she mindlessly began to card her fingers through the thick light brown hair that's fanned out on the bed. Watching the younger girl sleep peacefully in her arms after the emotinal roller coaster that was their night (technically morning but who cares). 

_'Man there's still so much I don't know about the all elusive Beca Mitchell. It pains me that she went through all that at such a young age no one deserves that kind of stuff to happen to them especially at a young age.'_ Chloe kept thinking and thinking about what the normally closed girl has disclosed to her about the true reasoning to why she began to smoke. Her eyes soon slowly became droopier and droopier as time passed till her eyelids felt so heavy she finally fell asleep.

~*~*~*~

         When the redhead wakes up later on that day some time around mid day she's greeted by the sun beaming down into her corneas because the bubbly girl had forgotten to close them yesterday. After she recovers from the blinding sun the Bella realizes that at some point during the night they've moved around and sort of switch places. Beca is now laying on her back in the middle of the bed with Chloe's head on her chest and has the older girl's limbs draped across her slender frame. The super senior had stretched till all her stiff joints gave a satisfying pop as a big yawn escaped her mouth. Chloe wasn't particularly worried about somehow waking up the smaller girl she's using as pillow because that woman sleeps like the proverbial dead.

         After her stiff limbs are nice and relaxed the redhead settled back down into her human pillow and just listened to the slow rhythmic thumping of Beca's heart as she gradually becomes more cognitive and alert. While sitting there with only the sounds of the DJ's heart and breathing the redhead starts to also become aware of the sounds throughout the Bella house. With the walls as thin as they are one can hear essentially what everyone of the other Bellas are doing around the house no matter where that girl is in the house.

         If Chloe strains her ears enough she almost certainly hear that their favorite wacky Aussie is loudly recounting a story about that one time she had found 5 dingos and an alligator at the same time back home. While Stacie is definitely laughing at Fat Amy's ridiculous antics while trying to decide what she's gonna cook for dinner since its her turn to cook tonight. Then there's the creepy sounds coming from Lilly's room that everyone tries to ignore because we're all pretty sure that the girl is into some like crazy you-need-a-priest occult shit. Right before Chloe can begin to figure out if Jessica and Ashley are home the object of her affections begins to wake up. As her favorite little DJ stirs she tilts her head up so Chloe can see her adorable sleepy face then pulls her slightly closer to herself so The redhead tucked snugly into the DJ's side. 

        "Morning Red." Beca grumbles a greeting before a big yawn interrupts her. The older Bella softly smiles at her then moves around to where she can rest her chin atop the back of her hand. This new position allows the acapella enthusiust to get a better look at the beauty that is Beca Mitchell. 

        "It's like 3 in the afternoon by the sounds of the house but morning sleepyhead." The older girl teases.

        "Like my sleeping schedule wasn't already fucked." The petite brunette cheekily grumbles back in a gravelly voice. 

        "Whatever dork. Do you wanna get up and grab something to eat downstairs?" The redhead asks as she makes a move to leave the bed that she then stops short of when there's fingers tugging at the bottom of her oversized high school t-shirt. 

        "No. We stay in bed longer." The aspiring music producer indignantly states as she all but latches onto Chloe with her arms and legs forcing the older girl to lay on top of her. 

        "More sleep." Beca sleepily mumbles into the crook of Chloe's neck and nuzzles in deeper as she begin to settle before falling asleep once again before the now flustered redhead could say anything. The elder Bella lies there perfectly still damn near afraid to move even the tiniest bit because she's never been in this situation with her crush and she's aca-freakin out. While her brain short circuits Beca sleeps peacefully clinging on tightly to the red head that's now forced to be immobile for a bit since Chloe knows one she's in the arms of a sleepy Beca she's stuck.

         

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed my first fanfic so far and don't hesitate to comment about something that you liked about it. I'd like to know y'all's thoughts because they're quite important to me as a writer.


	2. On your side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about the late upload I've been super busy with school work and it's choir contest season so I haven't time for much of anything. I'll try to be on top of it and establish a upload schedule sometime soon since things have slowed down a tad.  
> Anyway hope y'all enjoy this chapter and don't hesitate to comment!

       It takes about an hour for the poor ginger to wiggle her way out of the vice like grip that is Beca's cuddles when she wants to prolong the amount sleep she's getting and wants Chloe to stay. Don't tell anyone how much of a cuddle bug the DJ is cause she'll deny to her dying day that she loves having some cuddle time.

       Anyhow Chloe couldn't stay in her crush's arms because she really had to pee and also the redhead was starving so she thought it'd be a good idea to whip some food for the both of them. The super senior knows the fellow Bella would be hungry when she wakes up in roughly 30 minutes because the petite brunette doesn't like it when her cuddle buddy leaves while she's asleep. Considering the younger girls size she's perpetually cold while sleeping and needs either the thermostat up throughout the night or another warm body to produce heat for her.

       As the bubbly co-captain reaches the bottom of the stairs the she's shocked to see all of the Bellas together lounging around on the sofas or on the floor since everyone has been so busy with class lately. Some of the girls are casually studying together and occasionally interjecting into the other Bellas conversation which so happens to be aca-gossip of course. While of this chatter is going amongst all of the girls there's a random movie on in the background that's been forgotten.

      "Hey guys!" Chloe gleefully greets all of her friends as she makes her way to the kitchen. In response the captain receives a chorus of various forms of greetings by all of the Bellas.

      "Hey Chloe!"

      "Hey Chlo!"

      "Hey cap!"

       As the ginger makes her way throughout the kitchen to grab various ingredients, pans, and utensils so she can begin the process of cooking something quick and easy so she can finish before Beca wakes up Stacie enters. The leggy brunette slides into the nearest bar stool at the island that Chloe's using to collect of her materials. Stacie simply watches the other Bella set up shop for a few moments before making her presence known to the older girl.

      "Hey Chloe." Stacie's greeting damn near scares the living daylights out of the poor redhead so much so that she squeaks and drops the knife she was using to cut up some bell peppers.

      "Jesus you scared the crap out of me!" The older girl raises her hand up to her chest to emphasize how scared she was.

      "My bad Chlo." The taller girl throws up her arms in mock surrender as she laughs at Chloe's dismay.

      "I just stopped by because I wanted to talk about last night. Before you say anything though I had happened to see the whole thing because I came back from studying with this cute guy. I just had to say if you hurt my best friend in anyway we'll have some problems. She's been hurt enough so be damn careful with her she's really fragile and vulnerable right now Beca never wanted you to find out she smokes no less the real reason behind it."

      "Whoa whoa Stace chill I'd never hurt Beca I care about her too much to ever turn my back on her like her dad did when Beca was a kid and even now still does." Chloe's floored about the random convention she's getting from Stacie because she should know out of all people know that the redhead would never hurt Beca on purpose.

      "Listen Chloe I know you'd never hurt her but I still have to give you the best friend talk because I know you have a massive crush on her like come on dude all us can see the obvious toner y'all have for each other."

      "I don't have a toner for her!" The Bella captain whisper yells as her face starts burning hotly while trying to cook some chicken that she's supposed to be paying attention to.

      "Whatever you say cap." The leggy brunette smirks as she gets up and starts walking back to the living room.

      "I don't." The embarrassed Bella grumbles to herself while the other girl makes her exit. Chloe warms up the oven then goes off to grab some tortillas but not of course without taking the chicken off the stove before it can burn. The ginger has to wait a bit before putting the chicken wrap together and putting it all in the oven. She spends all of that time thinking about what to say to the DJ in response to her new found information from last night.

~*~*~*~ 

       Beca is awoken by the smell of food and the gentle voice of someone trying to coax her out of sleep without upsetting the aspiring producer in the process. When she finally opens her eyes and sits up Chloe puts a plate in her lap and pokes her in the ribs in order to get the younger girl to make some room for the redhead.

      "Thanks Red." Beca yawns out before diving into Chloe's famous chicken wrap while some comfortable silence with the occasion sound of the DJ chewing too loud fills in the lack of conversation. The best friends lean into each other's side letting the other girl that they're content with the silence between them two. Despite the younger girl's size she can out eat most grown men even if they're twice as big as her with little to no weight gain which some Bella's hate her for. After quickly finishing off her intentionally bigger chicken wrap the petite brunette waits for the older girl to finish the first half of her smaller one.

      "I know what you're thinking Becs and before you can say anything no you can't have mine I made only half of one for myself. You should be lucky made you a monster wrap instead of a regular sized one like I usually do."

      "Dammit Beale you know me too well." The aspiring producer playfully snaps her fingers as if her plans were foiled. This causes Chloe to giggle profusely at the other girls antics which in turn makes the alt girl to laugh along as well. Once they settle down and are back to the silence they've found comfort in the ginger thinks it's time to break it.

      "Hey Beca I wanna talk about last night if you don't mind."

      "Um.. sure that's fine." The DJ nervously rubs the back of her neck as she moves in a tad closer.

      "I just wanted to let you know that I'm on your side no matter what and the fact that you told me about something very personal that I'm pretty sure you never wanted me to know about doesn't change anything between us. I mean sure I'd like if didn't smoke at all but we'll work through it we've always have. If you really want to quit I'll help you out with it because my dad used to be a heavy smoker himself and it wasn't easy but I'm willing- more than willing to help. Becs you can't fight with all of this on your own you have a family now- people that care about you so please don't stay quiet about it. Let me help you. You're not alone anymore. Okay?"

       After Chloe's whole tangent the two girls simply stare into each other eyes sky blue meeting smoky blue just seeing if they somehow psyched the other out with all of the cards finally on the table. The redhead gently smiles and grabs the other girl's hand in an attempt to ground and comfort the easily overwhelmed Bella. Beca smiles back in kind and gently squeeze the hand that's firmly intertwined with hers as she finds the courage to speak her mind and let her bestfriend in.

      "Thanks Chlo... for you know understanding I honestly half expected you to yell at me or something because every other person that found about my bad habit did. But yeah I've been trying to quit for a while but it's been so hard and having to deal with the withdrawal symptoms it feels like the nicotine patches and gum doesn't work half the time. I've been trying to quit ever since I became a Bella you know and especially so when I moved into the Bella house. So if you don't find it too much of a hassle to help me quit that'd be um.. great you know.."

      "Yeah I'd definitely help you and no it's not gonna be too much of hassle you could never be." The older girl reassures as she motions for the DJ to come in for a hug which she complies to.

      "Thanks dude, seriously." Beca mumbles out her graditude from crook of the ginger's neck as she tries to hold back tears from how glad Chloe is more than willing to help kick the habit. Along with the fact that the super senior was so understanding of the whole thing and didn't try to lecture her or kick her out of the Bellas. The petite brunette curls in more tightly into the redhead's bigger frame and breathes in her scent in attempt to calm herself.

      "It's been pretty hard on me lately Chlo." The DJ sniffles and clings tighter to the fellow Bella.

      "I know Becs. It's going to be okay though you're no longer alone now." The older girl murmurs softly as she rubs a soothing hand up and down the aspiring producer's back.

      "It's just... the anniversary of her death is coming up soon and of course my dad will force me to spend the day with him because he's trying or whatever to be a part of my life. It's been so hard lately cause all I've been thinking about since the beginning of the month is when my mom died. She died in front of my dad and I, we watched her breathe her last breath. My mom could hardly breathe on her own and dad decided it was time to let her go so she'd stop suffering."

       Beca was silently crying as she relieved the very moment that her dad took her mom off of life support and how distraught she was when her dad told her the news. She remembers sitting at her mom's side all day long as she quietly weeped while holding her mom's frail lifeless hand waiting till nature took its course. Beca's dad silently stood beside with nothing but a firm hand on her shoulder to soothe her anguish as they watched her mom slowly die before them.

      "I'm so sorry that you had to watch that happen." Chloe softly apologizes as she plants a tender kiss on the crown of the DJ's head then tucks Beca's head snugly under her chin.

      "It's still a sore spot for me because I never forgave my dad for it. It's mostly likely why my dad and I's relationship kind of fell through and why we find it hard to get along." The younger girl theorizes as she begins to wipe away her tears.

      "When is your mom's death anniversary?" The ginger questions as she cards her fingers through silky dark hair.

      "It's tomorrow actually." The brunette grumbles out her response against Chloe's collarbone.

      "I can go with you to visit her grave if you want. I know that you don't like to spend time with your dad." This gesture quickly grabs the DJ's attention causing her to pull out of the hug to look the ginger straight in the eyes.

      "You'd really do that?" She stares intently into baby blue eyes trying to decipher whether or not Chloe's serious about tagging along to visit her mom's grave. Beca is bewildered by the fact that the redhead offered to come along this year.

      "Yeah I'd seriously do it. I mean it's about time I meet her." The super senior jokes good naturedly in an attempt to lighten up the moment and loosen up all of the built up tension from the serious conversation.

      "Dude that'd be awesome if you tagged along I think I could use the emotional support." Beca smiles up at the older girl with a sincere thankful lopsided grin.

      "Alright then you should tell your dad that you'll go visit your mom with me this year. You can't back out now Mitchell." Chloe playfully grins back as she places a supportive hand on the DJ's knee while the younger girl grabs her phone off the nightstand and attempts to steel herself for the call. The alt girl closes her eyes and takes a couple deep breaths in order to mentally prepare for the barrage of angry questions and hard hitting insults her dad will probably come up with. The ginger on the other hand feels a tad out of depth with the situation she's in considering the fact this is the first time she'll be present while the call is going on. Typically the redhead isn't there to support her best friend during the call and is only there to pick up the pieces after the phone call when Beca comes crying at her door. Chloe then thinks about what she normally does to soothe the aspiring producer and what she could possibly apply to her current situation.

      "Come here Becs." The super senior gently commands as she opens up her arms for Beca to come into which the fellow Bella captain does already knowing what the older girl is trying to do. The DJ situates herself with her back to Chloe's front and reclines back into the welcoming and warm embrace before finally mustering up the courage to press call.

      "Hey dad." Chloe can hear professor Mitchell's warm greeting from the other end.

      "This year for mom's anniversary I don't want to go with you this year."

      "No.. I just..." A long deep sigh leaves Beca's mouth as the redhead overhears her father yelling.

      "Look dad I just wanted to go visit mom with someone else this year." The ginger makes out an angered "who".

      "Chloe. Yes the one from the Bellas." The petite brunette curtly responds as she hangs her head low.

      "No! Yes but... Oh my lord can you not? What do you mean I always start fights!" The younger Bella cradles her forehead in her left hand as she feels the beginning of a headache.

      "I just didn't want to go with you this year and wanted to bring Chloe to meet mom! Is that too much to ask?" Chloe gently squeezes her arms around Beca to remind her that the redhead is here for her and doesn't have to go through this alone.

      "Okay. Fine by me. Can we not... it's seriously not the time for this conversation. Dad.. dad.. can you please not? Dad.. I just wanted to let you know... no it's not like that. That's not even the point!" The DJ dejectedly sighs and tries to hold back in vain the tears that are building up as she silently listens to her dad. Except the brunette seems out of it as if she's suddenly cut off from the world around her and completely devoid of life. Chloe quickly catches on to the shift in her demeanor and attempts to gently and quietly coax the younger girl out from the beginnings of a anxiety attack before it can flourish.

      "Beca honey listen to me, okay? I need you to close your eyes and listen solely to my voice were gonna do some box breathing okay? Nod your head so I know you're listening." There's a slightly delayed reaction but the redhead receives a languid nod which she responds to by tenderly clasping a clammy shaky hand.

      "Alright ready sweetie?" The petite brunette weakly but firmly squeezes the hand in hers to let the older Bella know she's ready.  
  
      “Remember to take a deep breath baby, alright in 4, hold 4, out 4. 1..2..3 take a deep breath.” The super senior helps the anxiety stricken girl through the breathing exercise doing it along with the DJ. After getting through the longest 5 minutes in Chloe's life the aspiring producer breathing is back to normal and no longer erratic. The younger girl takes one last deep breath before finding the courage to pick the neglected phone with her father still on the other end.

      “...I just want a relationship with you again but every time I try it's never enough for you ever since your mom died you've hated me. I understand you may not be happy with the choices made at the time but I still love you.” The instant they tune back into the conversation Beca was having with her dad that confession is what they're greeted by. Stunned into silence the alt girl uselessly opens and closes her mouth as she tries to formulate some sort of appropriate response.   
  
      “If you wanted a relationship with me you should of been there for me after she died but instead you were off getting drunk off your ass. I may have hated you for pulling the plug on mom I later on realized it was for the best. The real reason I despise you is because you basically walked away because it too much for you to handle. I was sent off to go live with aunt Laura due to the fact you couldn't sack up and drank away your problems losing everything while Laura and mourned by ourselves.” The aspiring producer had promptly ended the call after she unloaded everything she's been wanting to say for years.

      “Hey. You okay Becs?” The ginger softly greets after a long period of silence that washed over the two Bellas. During that silence the Bella captains had moved to lay down in Chloe's bed with the younger girl cuddled up into the redhead’s side.   
  
      “Yeah…maybe.. I don't know..” Beca curls more into herself and buries her face into the comforts of the taller girl’s chest in vulnerable uncertainty.  
  
      “It's okay not know what you're feeling right now you have quite a bit to process at the moment before you can begin to understand your emotions.” The redhead assuages her worries as she wraps her arms firmly around the smaller girl. Chloe pulls her in tighter against her body and presses a sweet kiss into the DJ’s hair.   
  
      “Thanks Chlo.. for being here during the call I don't know what I would of done without your support throughout the whole thing.”

“You're welcome, we all get a little wrecked sometimes and even if you believe it through all the hard times I'm on your side.” The co-captains sat there all cuddled up together for the rest of the night after Chloe's statement. On occasion they'd make a comment about something related to what’s happened in the last 36 hours. The super senior kept combing her fingers through Beca’s hair till they both succumbed to sleep. Before the taller of the two fell asleep she pressed a loving kiss to the alt girl’s head and whispered a soft ‘I love you’ that fell on deaf ears. 


	3. Broken, I'm sorry just like you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title comes from Broken by Lund and I'm sorry and Just like you by Joyner Lucas which will have some influences in this chapter I'll also have some lyrics from these songs. You could listen to these two songs as you read, the first half is Broken and the second is I'm sorry and Just like you. Also I'm going to write this chapter in first person instead of third just see if I like it that way better. Also if you want you can look up the poem or the men's choral arrangement for Go,lovely rose by Edmund Waller which I mention in this chapter.

       I wake with a start drenched in sweat with hot tears rolling down my cheeks like I always do to no avail when the day of mom's death anniversary rolls around but at least I'm not alone this time for once. I bitterly wipe away my tears with the heels of my palms out of frustration at myself for crying because even though my mom died nearly a decade ago I'm still crying over it like a little bitch and I fucking hate it. I try to sit up after I had wiped away my tears till I feel the weight of Chloe's sleeping form hindering my ability to get up from laying on my back so I sink back into the soft bed with a exasperated sigh slipping past my lips as run my fingers through my hair.

      ' **FUCK!** ' I slowly but surely begin to succumb to the tears that flowed down my cheeks in my sleep with silent sobs wracking my chest in a last ditch effort to somehow soothe myself I comb my fingers through Chloe's hair so I can ground myself. While the tears blur my vision and my silent weeping is taking all of my attention I didn't realize that Chloe had in fact actually woken up the instant that my gentle fingers made contact with her red silky locks. 

      "Becs..?" A sleepy concerned voice catches my attention immediately causing me to tear my eyes from the ceiling I was just glaring at and even halting my hand in Chloe's hair to cease any and all movement to in turn look down at her.

      "Hey.. what's wrong?" Chloe pulls away from my embrace to sit up and stretch looking my in eye as hers taking in my tear stained features.

      "I always wake up crying the day of her anniversary." I hiccup in response as i try to clean my face up and look everywhere but into the redhead's concerned sleepy baby blue eyes that I know for sure are trying to formulate why exactly I'm crying.

      "It's okay that you cry on her anniversary you know." She comes in closer into my personal space with a counseling tone as she gently cups my wet cheeks and wipes away the tears that are still streaming down my face causing me to cry even harder for some odd reason. My now audible weeping and even heavier trail of tears causes the redhead to pull me into her comforting embrace giving me a safe haven to openly display my despair. It takes a long time for the tears to finally run try and for my hiccups to dissipate but even as I wailed into Chloe's chest she only held me tighter and cradled me with her chin resting my head protecting me from the outside world.

      "I haven't cried like that in years.." I admit softly in the comforts of my best friend's arms after the sniffling subsides.

      "That's probably because you held it in for so long that they just came rushing out." She's tenderly responds as she sways slowly side to side.

      "I hate crying.. I hate it so goddamn much it makes me feel so weak especially since it's been nearly 10 years but here I am still crying about it like it happened yesterday when I should be over it already and moved on forward in life." 

      "Beca no matter how long ago your mom died it's always going to affect you whether or not you're aware of or not this isn't something you just get over this something that will always follow you around no matter what and it's perfectly fine. This feeling of grief will always hang around you just have to come to terms with the fact that it will probably never go away even when you are well into your 70's and have grandchildren you will have it." 

       We sit in total silence as the sounds of birds chirping filter into the room through the cracked window even though I've long run out of tears Chloe still had my arms protectively around my small frame which had my heart pounding against my chest. I look over at the nearby digital alarm clock she has in her room realizing that it's early in the morning well at least for me because I'm notorious for not waking up any earlier than 10 o'clock in the morning on a good day. The clock read 7:15 am meaning that we have about another 45 minutes or so till majority of the girls crawl about of bed to start their days and start preparing for whatever they have planned. I stay in the safety of her embrace with my arms loosely around her waist and my ear pressed to her chest listening to the soothing thumps of her heart. 

      "Chlo..?" I hesitantly call out with a raspy broken voice breaking the silence that had fallen on us.

      "Yeah?" She replies as she snuggles in closer and moves around a bit so she doesn't get stiff.

      "Can I cook breakfast with you this morning? I don't wanna be alone.." The redhead momentarily stiffens up before relaxing once again backing into me.

      "Of course you can, I was gonna ask you anyways." She gives a firm squeeze and presses a kiss into my hair causes a faint blush to paint my cheeks.

      "We can get up right now and get started since I kind of wanna make up for not feeding the girls yesterday morning like I usually do on the weekends and make a nice breakfast because we were sleeping all day." Chloe rubs soothing circles into my back with her thumbs as she talks knowing I need the affection.

      "Sure we can go ahead and head on downstairs."  It takes a couple more minutes before my co-captain unravels her arms from around me leaving me feeling cold which she of course immediately notices with how close we are to each other.

      "I can give you a hoodie of mine if you want." Chloe gestures to her closet which I respond with a jerky nod as I begin to shiver uncontrollably at moments like these I don't mind being perpetually cold especially if I get to wear her hoodie.

       She jumps up from bed and begins to rummage through her closet for a hoodie that won't completely swallow me up which takes several minutes but the instant the bubbly girl does find a small enough hoodie she makes a victorious 'aha!' and pulls it out for me to see.

      "I found the Barden hoodie that I got I think my freshmen year or when I got accepted during senior year of high school." The excitable ginger beams as she dramatically showcases the article of clothing to me before thrusting it into my hands for me to throw on. I pull it over my head and look down to see how her hoodie fits on me and even though it's the smallest one she has in her closet it still reaches a little past mid-thigh and the arms are so long that they're a couple inches longer than my fingertips. I don't mind that it's baggy on me even though I should considering the fact that I'll be cooking in a moment but when I look up at my best friend I see a look in her eye I couldn't quite place though it did give me butterflies. Our eyes lock for a long moment and next thing I know she's right in front of me so close that I can feel her breath ghosting my lips teasing me she gradually comes closer her eyes leaving mine as they look down at my lips for a moment. The tension in the room is palpable I want to reach out and touch her but I'm not able to move because I'm so entranced by this beautiful woman before me. When her eyes flicker back up to meet mine I'm so helplessly lost in her radiant baby blue that I'm breathless then when are noses touching my breath gets stuck in my throat as a gasp rips through my throat. 

      "CHLOE! BREAKFAST WOULD BE GREAT!" Stacie yells from downstairs scaring us so badly we jump away for one another like we were caught doing something we shouldn't have been doing, completely ending the moment we were having just a second ago. I run my fingers through my hair as I let out a deep breath and rock back and forth on my heels as i try to calm myself down and get my heart to stop beating so goddamn fast I'm sure that Chloe can hear it from across the room. Once we've collected ourselves from our almost kiss and the jarring experience of Stacie suddenly ending that moment we both almost had a heart attack. 

      "Red we'll really have to head on downstairs before we have a hangry Stacie on our hands." I feel a bit daring and decide to get on my tippy toes to peck her cheek before leaving her bedroom and making my way downstairs to the kitchen like our original plan was before we almost kissed earlier. Once I'm at the bottom of the stairs Stacie tackles me into a hug and gives me a once over to ensure more for herself than for me that I'm okay even though it's my mom's death anniversary. The leggy brunette grew up me and has been my best friend since the 3rd grade and she was there for me after my mom died and knows how bad it sometimes can get when the anniversary rolls around. 

      "Hey Beca are you good? Has Chloe been taking good care of you cause I will definitely kick Red's ass if I have to." My childhood best friend teases after her serious question before the both of us walk the rest of the way over to the kitchen together and make some small talk. I had pulled out all of the ingredients and kitchenware Red and I would need to make her famous chocolate chip pancakes and blueberry muffin breakfast she makes on every other Sunday when she finally makes it to the kitchen. The ginger makes her presence known to me by cupping my hip with a tender hand and gives a soft squeeze before putting her hair in a messy bun. As we start cooking breakfast for the all of the Bellas the girls groggily start filtering in as the smell of Chloe's famous pancakes waft throughout the cozy Bella house. Even though it's a sad day today it's almost bearable with my family around me laughing and cracking jokes along with Red on my side supporting me through this normally extremely hard day. I was going around serving coffee and a couple muffins to all the girls while my co-captain went around distributing the pancakes. After we were done making rounds Chlo and I served ourselves and went to go sit at the breakfast bar to enjoy our breakfast as we silently watched all of the Bellas converse with another and interact. As I watched the girls I sipped on my scalding hot coffee just appreciating the little family I'm now a part of then I felt something bump my thigh and when I looked down it was just Chloe's leg. 

      "How you holding up Becs?" Red places a loving hand on my knee and gently squeezes in support.

      "I'm okay now that I have you on my side." I reply back with a genuine soft smile before I grab the supportive hand on my knee.

      "It's good to know I'm making today easier on you." She gives a bashful smile that's sort of to the ground as she tries to hide the fact a faint blush is slowly coloring her freckled cheeks. Red and I finish off the rest of our breakfast with our hands intertwined gently squeezing the other's hand every once and a while to let each other know that we're still there and that we aren't planning on going anywhere anytime soon. Eventually the kitchen empties out leaving only us two alone as we wash all the dishes and kitchenware we used while we we're whipping up a hearty breakfast to make up for the lack of a home cooked breakfast yesterday. Once it's all said and done we head back upstairs and we both go finally take a shower cause we felt pretty dirty since we haven't showered in a couple of days. The next hour or so is spend getting ready separately to go visit my mom's grave which to be frank with you I was pretty nervous to bring Chloe along to visit this year instead of my dad but we'll see how it'll play out soon.

~*~*~*~

       I'm so anxious about visiting Beca's mom and I've been so since this morning because even though we're just visiting her grave and I'm not actually meeting her mom in person I still feel like I'm a high school girl meeting her boyfriend's mother for the first time. It also doesn't help that I almost kissed her earlier if it wasn't for Stacie scaring us half to death and breaking the moment 'fuck' I could feel the electricity in the air and the ghost of her soft lips against mine. Had Stacie not essentially cock-blocking us I'm so damn sure that we would of finally kissed I can't keep dancing around our feelings and the fact that I don't exactly know if she really likes me like that. I mean she may of broke up with Jesse a couple months ago because it just working out anymore I could of swore that she was straight this whole time and didn't like girls. Even though everything screamed at me that she wasn't straight at all I just got to make sure that she actually wants this as much as I do anyone with half a brain could feel the tension between us. 

      "Hey Red you ready yet?" Becs knocks softly against the door as she questions whether or not I'm ready so we can hit the road.

      "Yeah I'm ready lemme just put on my shoes real quick and we can head out." I get a soft 'okay' from the other side of the door before I hear her quiet footsteps going down the stairs to wait for me in the living room like she usually does we go out together. When I finally reach the bottom of the stairs I see my favorite DJ lounging on the couch with her feet perched on the coffee table and her eyes closed as she listened to music Beca looked so serene and content. I watched from a far for several minutes taking in her beautiful relaxed features before I made my presence known to the DJ. I walked up behind her and gently wrapped my arms around her petite frame which she just simply sank into once the aspiring producer realized it was just me because if it was anyone else I know she would of lost her shit. We sat there for a little while just delighted in the presence of the other person before silently separating and head out to go pay a visit to Mrs. Mitchell. 

       The ride there was very uneventful I drove us there since I didn't want Beca to drive even though she insisted that she's fine and didn't need me to drive us there. The both of us pretty much quietly listened to the music that played lowly in the car as I looked back at her every now and then just trying to check in with Becs. Her whole demeanor changed the instant I pulled the parking lot it was like all of the life in her body suddenly vanished leaving her hollow and dead on the inside. My little DJ was devoid of life and terrifyingly so leaving me completely lost on how to possibly pull her out this instantaneous rut she has fallen into. 

      "You need a minute?" I quietly ask her with a understanding hand resting on her knee.

      "Um... yeah.. I think so." My best friend stutters out after my gentle hand makes contact with her leg which had pulled her momentarily out of her reverie.

      "Alright, take your time honey there's no rush." I tentatively grab a hold of a clammy fidgety hand giving her something to ground her.

      "Thank Chlo for being patient with me today, I know I'm not the easiest to be around." She gives a self-depreciating smile to the ground avoiding any and all eye contact.

      "Hey.. Beca how could I not be patient with you? I care about you a lot so of course I'll be waiting on foot and hand for you if it made you feel better because you're my best friend and it's the death anniversary of your mom who was very important to you. It's also not hard to be around you even when you're being standoffish and being a aca-bitch to everyone because at the end of day I know you don't mean it and that you'll apologize for your behavior later." I lean over the console and press a loving kiss on her cheek and at peer into those stormy blue eyes that are looking for any sort thing that might give away that I'm just sprouting some bullshit on the spot. It's as if the petite brunette wanted to believe that I was just lying about all I've just said. Like somehow if she forced herself to believe it was just a sham then she wouldn't have to deal with the conflicting emotions that are playing behind those fragile eyes that are damn close to letting the dams break and bring forth the tsunami of unshed tears. I simply waited with bated breath for her response to the confession I just made cause I'll be damned if Beca tries to downplay it or pretend that I never said all of those things I wholehearted meant,

      "Dammit Beale now I wanna cry for completely different reasons, dude how do you do that shit to me?" She sniffles with a watery laugh and tries to wipe away the welling tears that have yet to spill over. 

      "Now I know you're just stalling so you can prolong the enviable." I playfully jab at her as a distraction from the tears blurring the DJ's vision which earns me a soft chuckle from the younger girl and even though it's not as beautiful as her full on belly laugh it still makes my heart lurch. 

      "Oh shut up Red." She lightheartedly hits my shoulder with the back of my hand as a giggle bubbles out of her. 

      "Alright come DJ we have someone to go visit and I think she can only wait forever." I give her knee a one last supportive squeeze before we both exit Beca's car.

  ~*~*~*~

       Damn that gorgeous ginger for knowing just how exactly to make me feel better about visiting mom's grave cause even though I've done it every single year since she's passed away I still get a sense of dread and a heavy sinking feeling in my chest. We seem to fall into an easy carefree atmosphere as if we aren't currently in the cemetery walking along side the tombstones of various individuals that are longer with us in the world of the living. I'm pretty grateful that Chloe is trying to the lighten the mood throughout the walk to my mom's final resting place because with my dad the short journey is almost unbearable with how much the grief chokes you. Due to our bubbling laughter and loud jokes about random things I almost didn't notice my dad glumly looking down at the tombstone we were making out way to. Chloe of course was oblivious too busy trying to cheer me up before I let the feelings of heartache wash over me in harsh unrelenting tidal waves that'll leave me gasping for some fresh air above water. 

      "Oh hey sweetheart.. didn't think I'd see you here." My dad is obviously still hurt about our conversation yesterday with a frown dawning his rough features.

      "Of course I'd be here unlike you I don't just walk away from people dead or not." A heavy scowl graces my normally bored face.

      "Good to know." He curtly responds as he tries his hardest to not pop off in public with Chloe beside me. 

      "By the way Chlo this is my dad, I'm pretty sure you're familiar with Dr. Mitchell." I swiftly turn to Chloe and give a very short introduction. 

      "Yeah I took one of his classes my freshmen year." She gives a acknowledging nod and impishly waves at my dad which he returns. 

      "Oh yeah I remember you, you sat in the front of my class and asked entirely too many questions but at least you were one of the very select few students that I give A's to since I don't give them out freely." Recognition flashes across as his face as he gives a polite stiff grin while he tries to avoid eye contact with me. The three of us sit there in a stifling uncomfortable silence simply staring at the tombstone that dawned my mom's name, Melissa Mitchell, I remember the day we had the funeral so clearly as I give her gravestone a once over. I always do this when I pay respects I just read what is all written on it even though I'm pretty sure I could recite what's all on there I always clearly remember the poem that's underneath the name and dates cause I helped my mom pick it for her headstone. That memory is forever burned into my mind because it was before my mom was put onto life support and even then she knew that she wouldn't make it this time and planned her own funeral so dad and I wouldn't have to. My mom had an affinity with music and in conjunction poetry and there was this one poem she had fallen in love with in high school because she had heard it sung by the guys in her choir. The poem, Go, lovely rose by Edmund Waller, had been turned into a choral ballad that we just so beautiful and my mom used to sing the tenor 1 part to me when I couldn't fall asleep. 

      "I like that poem." Chloe leaned in close to whisper in my ear as if she knew that I was in too deep.

      "So do I, my mom used to sing the choral arrangement to me when I couldn't fall asleep as a kid." I murmur back taking note of the tears that slightly choked me up as I responded back to my favorite redhead earning a supportive hand on the small of my back. I lean back into the comforting gesture as I try to keep my emotions in check cause the last thing I wanna do right now is cry with my dad next me giving me a look of pity and not offering up any sort of consolation. I take in a shuddering deep breath in hopes of draining out the tears welling up in my eyes Chloe soothingly rubs my back and leans in closer letting me know that she's there for me. Her comforting gestures and quiet mutters of support grounded me in ways that I couldn't understand but I was grateful to have because she gets me better than I know myself at times. Red knows what just to do to make me feel better as if she can read my mind like a motherfucking psychic of sorts. 

      "I just wished you didn't **fucking hate me** so **goddamn** **much** Rebeca." My dad suddenly hisses between gritted teeth breaking the silence.

      "You've given me **every single goddamn reason** to hate your guts ever since **you decided to walk away** because it was simply **too much**  to deal with and you'd rather **piss every thing away** and chose alcohol over **your own daughter** since it was **sooo** much easier for you." Red immediately pulled away knowing not to be close when I'm mad.

     " **I didn't chose** to be an alcoholic **over being a parent** it was so damn hard after your mom died because I had **so much guilt** over the fact **I** was the one that **pulled** the plug on her and **killed my fucking wife** forcing my daughter and I to **watch it** happen! So go ahead and **call me a coward** and say I'm not strong because **I'm not like you** and go ahead and **call me crazy!** " He blew up and was down right screaming at me straight in the face as he grew red in the face waving his arms around like a mad man. 

     "I don't wanna be **nothin' like you**. I don't wanna be **just like you**. I don't wanna be **anything like you**. I don't wanna be **just like you**. I don't wanna get drunk and high and **spend all my time** in the strip club and **be a motherfucking bum and shit**. I don't wanna be **jobless for several years just** because **I couldn't** sober up, **too lost** in all the alcohol, looking at the bottoms of liquor bottles and I don't wanna be heartless giving **two fucks** about **what my daughter is off doing**. I ain't into **what you're into** and I motherfucking **pray to God,** even though I'm not religious at all just because **I don't run into someone just like you** when I'm off living my life without **your sorry ass**. **I seriously hope** one day, that karma catches with you and **that shit does hit you** for all the shit that you did and all things **you decided you** were better off doing." I finally tell him every single thing I've kept bottled up for the past decade letting him know just how exactly I felt about everything. 

      "Maybe **it is my fault** I should of **paid more attention** to what you've been doing and what you are doing now and maybe **I should have** been more of a **good** influence on you like any **decent father** would of done during something as traumatic as watching your own mother die. I don't mean to be insensitive but **I don't** understand **how** we could have prevented this shit that has tarnished the once great relationship we had between us I'm just so fucking upset. I know **you don't care** about my feelings but listen I just wish that you would just hear me out Rebeca, all I need is like **five minutes** to explain everything to you." My dad was downright graveling at my feet at this point but I wasn't having it if he really wanted to fix our relationship and right his wrongs he shouldn't have waited nearly a decade after everything had passed. 

      "You're a decade too late dad." I tersely state before swiftly turning on my heel and walking away with best friend in tow making our way back to the car so we can go back home and not listen to my dad spew bullshit. My old man is all talk something similar to this has happened before and every single time I tried so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt cause he's my dad and every single time he let me down and nothing changed it all stayed the same. Before I know it I'm back in the passenger seat of my nice little 60's Mustang that my dad gave me as an of sorts apology for not being around and even though I wanted to refuse it I was forced to accept it on my 17th birthday. I was still absolutely fuming from the confrontation between my old man and I it was like I was angry that there was steam practically coming out my ears like an old Disney cartoon. 

      "Fucking hell!" I cry out in anger and bang my fist solidly on the dashboard before running my fingers through my hair and blow out a frustrated puff of air

      "Beca." I suddenly remember that Chloe had been with me and her calling my name made me whip me head so fast in direction I nearly give myself whiplash. 

      "Are you good?" I noticed the concern clouding her normally vibrant sky blue eyes causing all of the anger in my system to vanish the adrenaline running through me dissipated making me deflate and collapse into the leather seat. I roll my head back with my eyes closed taking a couple moments to myself as I take in deep breaths with Chloe's hand in mine rubbing her thumb soothingly against my skin.

      "I'm good now." I peak open my left eye to look at her as I give her a languid content smile in her direction to let her know I'm really okay now.

      "That was pretty rough." Red comments with a soft smile of her own as she gives my hand a firm tender squeeze and comes in a little closer. 

      "Ooo kinky~" I tease in response because I don't really wanna talk about it and ruin my now high-spirited mood. 

      "Oh hush you." A light blush dusts her freckled cheeks as she bashfully looks down with a shy smile that I've rarely seen on the typically confident redhead.

      "I just don't wanna talk about the scene my dad and I made a second ago right now." I return her impish smile with a soft almost apologetic one as I get slightly lost in her baby blue eyes that keep staring intently into mine. 

      'Damn I really wanna kiss her now all of the sudden. I'm too gay for this.' We are now both getting lost in each others eyes tracing the features on the other's face with our eyes with my own occasionally flickering down at those rosy soft lips. We're so close now as if we were gradually closing in on the other without noticing just being drawn in by the pull of the other person's aura. I nervously lick my lips as I lean in slowly with bated breath giving Chloe a chance to pull away just in case if she doesn't want to kiss me. When I'm a hair away from kissing those lips I've been dreaming of ever since I saw her at the fair freshmen year I look into her eyes one last time and then finally close the gap between us.  

~*~*~*~

       The instant Beca's lips touch mine I can feel my lips tingle and the electricity in the air start running through me making me softly moan into the kiss as I entangle my fingers into her hair so I can pull in closer earning a soft moan in response. I've imagined kissing her lips for so long but reality surely kicks fantasy's ass cause oh my god I'm so helplessly lost in her lips now. She bites my bottom lip and pulls away causing me to shoot open my eyes and revel in the sight of the bedroom eyes she gives which leave me dizzy with pleasure as all of my heat pools into the bottom my stomach making my panties wet instantly. When she releases my lip from between those devilish lips of hers I clamor into her lap and pull her by her hair into a deep kiss that leaves us both breathless but totally unwilling to pull away. I grind my hips into hers when Beca's tongue comes into contact with mine in a heated fight for dominance over the kiss her fingers are gripping hard onto my hips as I grind harder. Her hands encourage my grinding pulling me harder into her lap by the belt loops of my skinny jeans causing a deep moan to bubble out of my throat. 

      "Fuck." I hear Becs breaths out a groan against my lips making me even wetter for her. 

      "I think we need to go home like now." She growls against my neck before letting me go so I can drive us home breaking almost every law on the way there.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter y'all and I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter that I was able to upload for y'all in time for Easter. I don't have a beta reader so any and all mistakes are my own and don't be afraid to leave behind comment I like reading what y'all think.


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